Transcendence

It is true that some souls might never be led into the mouth of temptation and for others well they have been raised in its filth. For these two types it is rare for transcendence of any sort to occur. They thrive in their niche their whole lives diluted in some sort of polar adoration. But then there are the ones who toe the line the center dwelling peoples not on the border of good and evil or right and wrong, (because what are such terms but misguiding lies) but of extremities. This harmonious of all position. The place of stable balance is where I lie. However, it has not been the easy journey to arrive at this place. It is said that "[s]ome spirits that have been born without sin must first traversed before the temple can be entered" (Betrand Russell's A Free Man's Worship). I believe that this was my cross to bear. I was so loving, innocent, kind, and understanding; a tranquil soul indeed. But upon my accent in year I let the darkness of anger and resentment lure me to their ends as I was seduced with their agent of sadness. The constant emotional upheavals we indoctrinating me to a place not only of alinement, but of an addicted loyalist.
From there to here it has taken me years. Within those lifetimes I have learned many lesson. At first, the recognition of the shadow watching I was taking in as my reality saddened me more. I was whoring myself for the pleasure of pain. As it was my agent of lure, I composed myself, realizing that it was masturbatory to indulge in the emotion. From within I flipped out but this blurred circumstance was a dizzying show of action. I soon saw the damage I was inflicting, now from with out it became unstable with no embodied form to retain its mass and so it crumbled away in each dramatic display teaching me that "[t]he life of Man, viewed outwardly is doomed to worship Time and Fate and Death”(Betrand Russell).
It was upon my "abandon[ment for] the struggle for private happiness, [my]... expel[ing of] all eagerness of temporary desire, [and the welcoming want]to burn with passion for eternal things" that emancipated me. The life led mid-row neither here nor there, not to not fro, but an inner and outer life of control, "this is the free man's worship”(Betrand Russell) and the place to from where I was destined to transcend.